In the end it doesn't really matter

As I'm writing this it occurs to me that every day that goes by is one day closer to me dying. Which I don't know when that will be. But what if I did would that make it any easier, probably I would be able to beat all the bad stuff like alsimers and anything else that is bad like that.

Let's just say for instance if I did it today not many people would morn me my mom and my son that's about it. But if I did it today they would remember me as I am now which I think would be alot better than if I was sick. I've seen a few people in the hospital right before they died and that's all I remember. And I hate it because that wasn't them that was what ever it was. I want people to remember me like this. But like I said before I'm not going to. It would just be nice to know like a rough date when all the bad old stuff will happen so I can end it before that.