To be or not to be

I've been thinking lately not so much about this relationship but on all my past relationships, and what I pretty sure I've noticed is I was the problem. I was angry, really really angry and I didn't know why. I mostly hid it with alcohol and pain killers. I really liked it and I think that was the major problem. If things were going right in my life I always had to create some sort of chaos, it was fun for me. It wasnt till years later that I realized how much it hurt the other people. I AM SORRY is something that they didn't hear very often. I was an ass hole, plain and simple. I never got physical, for me it was mental which is worse, I'm pretty sure. Any way none of you will read this but you are one of those that I hurt I want you to know I am truly sorry.